Sonic Movie Review
November 2, 2020 by Ishaan Korarkar
Sonic is a blue hedgehog that can enter a slowed down version of reality, and preform actions as if time was normal. From our perspective, he can run extremely fast, hence the name “sonic”. The movie is based on this videogame series called Sonic where Sonic is a blue hedgehog that can run also fast.
If you don’t want to watch the movie, I wrote a summary.
What I liked: I think taste is objective, but what you like can be up to you. I like the television show, The Flash, even though it isn’t a good show by any reasonable metric. With that in mind, here is what I liked about Sonic the Anatomically Incorrect Hedgehog.
- Ben Schwartz’s voice acting as sonic
- Jim Carrey’s performance as the villain
- Jim Carrey’s weird indian assistant
- Sonic’s weird, flat, unhydrated, socketless eyes
- Olive Garden product placement
- Olive Garden product placement
- Olive Garden
- Oliveee gaarden
- Take me
- and bury me in
What I didn’t like:
- I wasn’t joking
- I want to be… sailing away… in the infinite sea
- of olives
1,000 word plot summary
Read this if you don’t want to watch the movie:
The movie starts out in a chaotic chase sequence between Sonic (a blur of blue electricity) and someone we can’t yet see (who is a blur of red). Sonic then breaks the fourth wall right out of the gate. He says something along the lines of, “Hey look at me, I’m a hedgehog! Why am I being chased? Well let’s find out!”
We then see our hero as a child, a small hedgehog, with extreme speed, living on this island that resembles a videogame level from the source material of the movie. Sonic is living under the care of this giant owl, who understands that he has great power. Sonic gets the attention of some other creatures by super speeding around on his island. They find Sonic at his owl’s house. Sonic’s owl hands him a bunch of magic rings that open portals. She tells him they are for emergency use only and can open portals to other planets. Sonic is no longer safe in this planet, and that is now time to abandon this one for another planet called Earth. Owl lady opens a portal with a ring and throws him into Greenhills, Montana.Cut to ten years later. Sonic is now stalking this married couple because he is alone. He lives in a cave a few miles from the married couples house and routinely visits their window to watch them watch movies. The couple is composed of a policeman and a veterinarian. The policeman (Tom) gets a job in San Francisco. He has this clichéd monologue about wanting to help people. Later his wife, Maddie, is at her sisters house. Her sister thinks Tom is cheating on her and that she should get a divorce. Maddie calls Tom and asks if he has any dating apps. I am not joking here: Tom says (verbatim), "The only apps on my phone are the ones that came with it, and Olive Garden".
Sonic is watching a children’s baseball game from behind the stands. No one in the town knows of his existence, save for an old man who has seen his blue flashes of light and is mad about finding this strange creature. He doesn’t really come up again. After the baseball game ends, Sonic decides to play baseball with himself, using his super speed. He hits a home run, and looks to the stands. No one is there. Sonic, overwhelmed with loneliness, runs in circles around the baseball field. He gets faster and faster until he unleashes a large pulse of blue energy, and knocks out the power in the entire country.
At the United States pentagon, officials have noticed the energy blast. They decide this calls for a man of the name “Dr. Robotnik”. He’s a crazy scientist who has a bunch of turret drones and 5 PhDs. Robotnik finds Sonic’s small town, and scans the whole thing with his robots. Our hedgehog notices that some people are after him, and decides it’s time to leave Earth for the “Mushroom planet”. A planet filled with mushrooms, oxygen, and nothing else. This planet is in his Owl mom’s plan of action, incase he was to be found out. After being chased from place to place by robot drones, Sonic goes to Tom’s garage to leave Earth. He is then shot in the leg by our policeman. Tom was looking for racoons that were eating his garbage and got his wife’s tranquilizer gun to neutralize them. Sonic, who we will see can dodge bullets, is unexpeting of the shot, and accidentally opens a portal to San Francisco. Sonic drops his rings in, and sees that they fall to the top of a building.
Robotnik tracks Sonic all the way to Tom’s house. The next few scenes were kind of boring so basically: Robotnik finds Sonic; Sonic and Tom manage to escape his turret robots; They are now on the road. They stop by a bar, and Sonic is sad that he doesn’t have much time on earth left and makes a bucketlist. They get a few items of that bucketlist done at the bar. Some bearded bar fighters come and tell Sonic they don’t like his kind. They start a barfight, and in the middle of that fight, Sonic goes into a slowed down version of reality. He manages to stop the barfight by moving people stuck in the middle of their punches, wrapping people in toilet paper, putting a taxidermy bear head on them, and other things. It’s probably the best scene in the movie.
After the barfight, Sonic and Tom are at a motel, and see on the news that Tom is a wanted criminal because he ran from Robotnik. Sonic says he wants to live before he leaves Earth. After they leave the motel they are chased by Robotnik’s robot tank; Sonic nearly gets killed in destroying the tank but then says he had another life; The tank has another smaller tank inside and Sonic comments that: “It looks like the tank just had a baby”; They are chased by that smaller tank; After the chase scene ends Sonic is knocked out and Tom gets him to his sister-in-laws house. Tom’s wife was at his sister in laws house already, and she gives Sonic smelling salts to wake him up.
Sonic and Tom and Tom’s wife get to San Francisco. They find the building where Sonic’s rings are, and climb to the top. They find his rings, and before Sonic leaves, Robotnik shows up. Robotnik chases Sonic, but not before Sonic sends his family back to Greenhills, Montana. Robotnik shoots sonic with his turrets, and Sonic easily dodges the bullets. We find out that Robotnik has harnessed the power of a single of Sonic’s quills, and learned how to enter Sonic’s super speed realm. During the chase sequence, Sonic looks at the camera and breaks the fourth wall again. He says, “Now do you understand why I am being chased?”
Robotnik chases Sonic all the way back to Greenhills montana. Sonic realizes he can just send Robotnik to the mushroom world with his rings, and does so.
After that happens, Sonic moves from his cave to his family’s house, because they know of his existence and accept him for who he is. A mysterious person shows up at the front door, and hands Tom and Maddie an envelope of appreciation. Tom opens it and finds out it’s a $50 Olive Garden gift card. For that, I give this movie a solid �/10.
Well, that’s the movie, I hope you enjoyed it.
2020/11/02 by Ishaan Koratkar